All starts with changing perspective and with THE Choice.
You know the old cliche when there is so much love, there is also a level of hatred. When you start learning and reading any type of holistic literature and paradigm, you will see that the first thing they start to emphasise is the duality of this world we are living in. Once you start your self development journey you also start to realise that in how many ways and angles your life made you drift away from the centre. So you start to wander back and forth navigating your way back to balance.
What I felt all this time – when it came to my father -, somehow everything was rough and very polar. Though, the love in me went into complete denial searching for the truth. If something is that rough then there must be something on the other end as well.
I was thinking that if his never discovered autism shaped him into depression and ongoing madness that there must be another way. What if untamed mental power and energy could have the exact opposition too. What if that such power tamed is actually a power to harness.
Back in my childhood I swallowed at least 2-3 nannies and women who came to the house to help my mother with childcare duties and around the house. I ran all of them down like some of them just left the house and never looked back.
I used to have very long hair and anybody dared to touch that was sentenced to deal with my flood of rage. My mum cut that hair for conveniences but other than causing tremendous pain the outbursts and tantrums never stopped.
Looking back now, it was the same force unruled, the same irritation, that I used to watch in my dad, causing bigger self destruction and danger to others.
Later when I started my journey of exploring autism, I decided that if this is a polar world, then autism and the power I deeply sense around, it canāt be only destructive, and only about withdrawals, collapsing emotionally, trapping in my thoughts but it must be the other way round. Must be a force harnessed.
I guess in mainstream perspective this is only expressed in the āout of the box thinkingā or for some in the seemingly unlimited workforce.
Well, I think if an autistic mind finds its way to calmness that also means:
GIANT CREATIVITY AND POSITIVE SELF EXPRESSION
For that, there is a road ahead to walk. With a Choice to makeā¦.
An oath to take, from now on,
I focus only and only the potential Autism is about to offer.
