Background: Abusive household and family history

My story with my autism started on my arrival to London. But truly it started within, more precisely at my childhood home.
I had a super abusive household or upbringing so to say, briefly. I had a father with alcohol problems and suicidal patterns and a brother also not so harmless as well. I had all the marks of the stories of the wounded victim and female power, all. Name it, I can give you a trauma and a story for it.

Spotlight on Parents

Discovering your autism will always spotlight your parents. Or at least one of them. It’s just they lived in an age where Autism as a concept wasn’t named. Look at your genetic, ancestral bloodline and you will find them. All nicely lined up for you. Waving back with their traits hidden behind unsuccessful stories, failure of adapting changes, behavioural issues covered with domestic violence or war stories.

Identifying autism in the family

Yet, after being in therapy and self development for over 20 years I just simply refused to believe that my Gladiator shaped, beautiful and handsome father was a lowkey dum aggressor. I guess, regardless, I just loved him and I was right.

So I went into excessive research on his behaviour issues based on everyone’s anecdotal, his learning disabilities etc. Slowly figured, dad was on the spectrum and guess what my grandmother too. They just lived it in a different way, a different painful way.

Living with undiagnosed autism

I hated watching my dad chewing his mouth because of the forever spinning thoughts in his head when he was mumbling as he was never really able to express anything, and the amount of aggression with zero control of emotional regulation… It was a lot.

Overcoming stigma and recognizing the truth

And no, he wasn’t only alcoholic, depressive…He was a Spectrum Gladiator 2m high athlete build handball player… I give the rest to your fantasy, how and what harm a man could do with that build. BUT here’s the thing, I loved him and I refused to believe the surface as I always do. With everything. Those above were never the problem, but the underlying current of an undiagnosed Autism. Nicely wrapped into domestic violence.